The Power Of Language
When I coach, there can be powerful a-ha moments. This one has to do with one of my favorite tools: language.
I am listening deeply to the words being said, and what isn’t being said in my coaching sessions. I am paying attention to my client's energy levels throughout, and to word choices and how those words impact one's energy.
Recently, I was listening to my client talk about adding a new goal to her life. She was listing the things she had to do. And I gently asked what it would be like if she chose different words; Instead of saying she had to do xyz, what would happen if she used the words “I choose to do xyz.”
When I hear someone say “I have to do this” what I usually find is the energy around it stressful, pressured, or ‘meh’. In other words, the person doesn't really want to do it! This isn't ideal when you want to start a new habit and sustain it. And in reality, at some point, we have the tendency to do things we don't want to do! And guess what? We don't follow through or sustain it, because deep down, we dread it, hate it, or just feel blah about it.
When I hear someone say “I choose to do this”, the energy shifts to more empowering and confident, and right away, there is a connection to why it's important, what matters, and questioning “Why AM I really doing this?”
Instead of it being an obligation, and dreading to do it, by deliberately choosing, you begin to see how it is connected to your values. You become intentional about where your valuable time and energy are going. You begin to discern what is more important and what isn’t. Even if it we choose something we really have to do, where there aren’t any other options, there is still a shift in how you see the activity, and it's usually more meaningful and intentional.
Choosing to do something doesn’t mean you have to choose the harder option, either. You can choose the easier route. We all have days where we don't have the bandwidth to handle hard things all the time. By reframing to using the words, “choose to", you might think of other possibilities.
Some examples:
I choose to take care of my aging in-laws because I love them, because they deserve to live their best lives with dignity. (choosing because of values)
I choose to move my body to be strong for longevity. I choose to walk instead of my usual workout because I don't have the energy today. (choosing what feels good right now and I alignment with values)
I choose to make dinner tonight, because I can imagine the end result of it tasting really good, and nourishing me in the best way. (choosing to stay focused)
I choose to give my brain a break by getting off my phone, resting, and watching my favorite series for an hour. I know I will feel better if I do! (choosing to go easy on myself)
By choosing, it can cut through the unnecessary, extra things you don’t truly want. A lot of times, you'll end up choosing to take things off your plate, or choosing a different option that feels better to you.
Take action! Listen closely for when you say “I have to do xyz”. and reframe it to “I choose to do xyz”, and see what happens! Notice if the task still resonates with your values and sense of purpose. If it doesn't align, what could you choose to do instead?
